You're hearts a mess.

I've been feeling a mix range of emotions lately, there has been a lot happening in my life that i am happy with and i'm not happy with, and i feel like blogging about this is some sort of vent since i can't seem to vent with anyone else, like this is the one reason why i started to blog, because either way i knew that writing it down would help me vent and also remember for future references in case i needed to go back on. Like i don't think anyone else is reading this blog, so for me, it really doesn't matter because i know no one is reading but if people are i guess then its alright. I dont think i mention any names, that i don't need to mention so relax for those who think im talking about them.

Anyways, i'm feeling an indifferent mood at the moment, there has been a few things that are on my mind, but i won't go into them but i really feel quite out of it and just meh about a few things. I don't know why i'm feeling so indifferent about a certain issue that has happened but i just think that things could really be better when it comes to it, like I feel that sometimes my voice isn't getting heard as much, or as the person that means well, and that its getting heard as the nagging, annoying person. I know i can be a bit full on and a little controlling, and i feel like that's just who i am. My personality i think is someone that is concern about things that go on in ones life and when it comes to people i really care about, the concern intensifies a bit and i'd like to know things more, i guess it's just me and i know you don't like the way i am, i guess its just there is feelings for you as well and i can't help but show my concern and caringness in this way, but i feel sometimes that it doesn't go down well and i find it quite hard to control how i try and express my feelings and that i get the impression that it's nothing good.

What can i do, i'm trying to control myself but its so hard when we both want different things and that i'm trying to maintain this relationship with you to a standard where we both are happy and i know that things has happened in the past but its something that i will never let happen again and it's quite hard to compete with other people for your attention and time, and i guess it's just something i have to put up with but i feel like this is eating away at me slowly and i'm hurting that i cannot spend the time with you because of other factors in your life that stop us from hanging out. I know we will see each other and we have discussed why it's been such a slow process but it's just very hard when all i want is to see you.

Hmm..